Thursday, 15 January 2015

In Which I Lose My Shit Over Science

I spent the last three hours writing my Physics pre-board exam, and before that, forty-one solid hours preparing for it (breaking only to grab some sustainance and to release bodily fluids). I have injested so much caffeine that I'm as wired as... something that's really, really wired. Frankly, it's a wonder that I can string two thoughts together to form coherent sentences in this condition.

We've all heard enough jokes about Medical and Engineering students. We've also had our fair share of people telling us how studying science will benefit us 'in the long run.' I don't know if that last bit is true, but it'd better be because really. These past two years have been the most miserable of my life, and if they don't benefit me at some point, in some way, then MAA KASAM, I- I don't know what I'll do. But it will be Very Bad Indeed.

Anyway. This, right here, is another one of those rants you've probably read before, about how much being a science student sucks.

When, in my life outside of school - and yes, that exists - people my age learn that I have PCM, they give me The Look. The Look is one you might give a person if they claimed to be a Unicorn in disguise. Initially I used to be all smug about it; Unicorns are awesome, and therefore so am I. (What can I say, I'm a bit delusional. Just a bit.)
But, soon enough a switch flipped on in my mind, and I realized I'd been reading the situation all wrong. What The Look actually means is something along the lines of, 'You are demented**, and you need help.'
Now, that's not exactly unusual for me. My behaviour in public earns me that sort of looks all the time, and I've never been one to give a shit. But, in this case, it hits a bit too close to home because I've wondered this myself. And I'm sure (okay, I guess) I'm not the only one. We've all had our what-in-god's-name-was-I-thinking moments with regard to our subject choice.

But, simply stating our grievance with the subject is not enough, is it? Remember how 3 idiots taught you, about five years ago, that students of science are great at giving examples? That's because there is absolutely NO question that's asked of us that isn't followed by some variation of 'give reasons.' It's true to the extent that even if it isn't mentioned in the question, it's understood that we have to explain the logic behind our answer. So, if you want to know how our mind works, allow me to demonstrate.

Consider, for instance, the term 'soap.'
What's the first thing that came to your mind when you read that word?
No, wait, let me guess. You thought of the little nice-smelling pallette kept near your bathing area, with which you clean yourself.
Me? I actually had to think for a minute before I could make up the above definition. That's because the first thing that came to my mind was: Soap = Sodium or Potassium salt of fatty acids.

I am not even kidding. Most solemn truth I speak to thee. Mummy-swear, yaar!

Science has not just invaded my brain, it has birthed a new civilization in there. And the only way to get rid of it is genocide: I'll have to kill a whole community of my brain cells in order to get my mind back.

So, I will either spend the next ten years of my life trying to rinse out all the physics oozing out of my ears, or I'll forget every bit of it the moment I step out of my board examination room.
It could be either, really. Or, if I think about it, it could be a bit of both.
*le dramatic sigh*
Only time will tell.

But, either way, if I never see a mathematical or chemical equation again it'll be too soon. To put it simply, if my life story were ever made into a movie, this is how I feel it would end -

Grand kid: Grandma, why are you so bitter?
Me: *takes a swig of vodka*
Me: *lights up cuban cigar*
Me: *gazes out of the window*
Me: Science ruined my childhood.

-roll credits-

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**I have no intention whatsoever of demeaning/hurting any person. I sincerely apologise for any offense that might have been caused.


  1. Hahaha. I remember it was last Sunday that Papa had ordered some chicken from a new Briyani corner in the market next to our place. When we opened the dish, we could see a separate layer of oil floating above the chicken gravy. So I said the following words to my dad: Papa looks like isne emulsifying agent use nahi kia. He was so deeply adsorbed* in thought that silence was his only response.

    *If you know what I mean

    But very well written. You're emerging as a very bold personality when it comes to voicing out what's trapped inside!

    1. Hahaha, you kill me, Grover. Emulsifying agent!
      So you're saying your Dad's thoughts were merely a surface phenomenon? ;)

      In all seriousness, though, thanks a lot. Both for giving in to my not-so-subtle efforts of forcing you to read my blog, and for appreciating what I write! :)