Wednesday, 9 October 2013

Diary of a One-year-old

Apparently, I will turn one tomorrow. My parents are making a very big deal out of it. They are planning some sort of "party", I overheard them talking about it. But hey, I don't even know what a party is. It will be my first one. It seems to me like they expect me to be excited about it, but tbh, I'm kind of confused.

~ A couple of hours later ~

Oh no, now mum is buying new clothes for me! I keep screaming at her, trying to tell her I don't want them. But she keeps saying things like, "Oh honey, you must be hungry!" or "Are you sleepy, baby girl?". Come on, mum. New clothes are itchy! Don't you get it? I'd rather move around in my nappy! But it's too late now. She has already bought them and now nothing can spare me the horror.

~ The D-Day ~

On this day, one year ago, I was born. I am quite excited, I think. These clothes are itchy, but I guess I can't do anything except come to terms with reality.
We have come to a place that I've never seen before. At first it was just mum, dad, me, and my annoying four-year-old brother (he's more excited than I am). But then, more people began to enter the scene, and now I am in a room full of noise and strange big people. They all look the same. Except some of them have long hair and others have shorter ones. I can see a guy my age tugging at the hem of his mother's shirt. He seems crazy to me. He looks at me, and sticks out his tongue. I wrinkle my nose. Finally, someone who gets me.
Then, a big person with long hair comes over, pinches my cheeks, flashes its toothy smile and says something that sounds like gibberish to me. Whatever it says seems to make it happy. Well, to each his own. But that's not where it ends. Lots of big persons come over and I'm handed over from unknown person to unknown person. It makes my head spin. Oh, who cares. I just let them do their thing and focus on sucking my thumb. They laugh at me. Talk about rudeness! Like, hullo, I'm right here!
Okay, this is too much. Now I have a stalker. Imagine that! This big person holding this big flashy thing over his shoulder is following me. I want my mommy RIGHT NOW. But, you know how I am, too easily distracted. My eyes fall upon an open space with colourful dancing lights on the floor. I go over to the lights and try to catch them, but they keep jumping just out of reach. It's annoying, but fun at the same time, because I am determined. But after some time I get bored and look around for mommy again. I spot her standing next to the crazy boy I had seen earlier. He looks bored as shit. Well, he can join the club.
I walk up to him, negotiating my way between long legs and toppling several times. No need to laugh, walking is a new skill, I have yet to master it. So, eventually I reach there. As soon as I get there, the guy smiles, walks up to me, and starts pulling at my locks. So, I was right. He IS crazy.
His mother tries to do something. I think she's trying to stop him, but it's all in vain. Finally, I have to put my foot down. I mean, I literally slam my foot down onto his. He screams and runs for his life. Oh yeah, hide behind your mommy, li'l guy!
I take a long victory lap around the dance floor once I manage to get back there. But it's not empty anymore. Big people have started stomping their feet onto it now. I guess they're playing the same game with lights that I had discovered. Such cheaters, I tell you! But from where I'm standing, it looks likes an attempt to stomp over me. I'd better get out of the way ASAP.
A big girl picks me up as I try to walk up to the gift pile. I look up. I recognise that face. She's a cousin, I think. Yeah, she's the one I like. She is moving her lips and making faces. I have no idea what she's trying to do. Perhaps she's trying to speak my language. She's doing a bad job of it. She carries me over to a round table and sits me on her lap. Then, she picks up a spoon from the table and plunges it into a bowl of soup - she wants to make me eat! I like you, hon, but that's just not gonna happen. I wriggle my way out of her grasp and run for my life.
I run till I find mommy. Then I tug at her clothes and scream till she notices me. I point over to the table where my cousin is sitting, and wail till my throat burns. My mother announces, "she must be sleepy," to the group of big people she had been talking to, and carries me to where dad is standing. I get handed over to dad. As soon as I get into his arms, I press my face into his shoulder and he carasses the back of my head. Phew! It's been one hell of a day! I am never partying again!
Eventually, the noise around me fades, and I get pulled into the amazing world of dreams.


  1. Hahahaha, Tee-Bub! Whatte cool post. I wish I had written this. Girls with a great sense of humor are so hard to find :D

    Also, when I was a four year old and some younger kid got more attention, I wasn't even close to feeling excited. I was such a jealous kid, hungry for attention.

    1. Haha, great sense of humour? Thanks a lot!
      I hear this a lot : I'm not like most girls. You know, whiny and chitty-chatty and bitchy.

      Yeah, I don't think any kid likes that! But I suppose this four year old is excited because there's a party and there will be games and stuff. I don't actually have an older brother, but that's how my younger brother was when he was that age.
      Thanks again, btw! :D

  2. ...But hon, that's so not gonna happen...

    That's an expression in English mildly derived from how Shauryaji used to comment on things around him. Apart from that, very detailed and simply comprehensible. Khoob bhalo.

  3. Why, that's a pleasant surprise, Mr Nak! I mean, I can't remember the last time you wrote such a brief comment! Short, sweet, and simple; though I did not quite get the part about Paanda.
    Thanks a lot, though! :)

  4. I love this so much. It's so adorable and funny! :D